Eric the Midget
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Eric Lynch (born March 11, 1975), better known as Eric the Midget, is a frequent caller on the Howard Stern Show and a reluctant member of The Wack Pack.
[edit] Biography
Lynch is known for his obsession with American Idol winners Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood and runner-up Katharine McPhee which spawned a frequently played prank phone call by High Pitch Eric, who called Lynch pretending to be Kelly Clarkson. This also spawned the classic High Pitch line "Who's High Pitch? This is Kelly Clarkson". Lynch has repeatedly and unrealistically asked Howard Stern to use his influence to get him dates with Clarkson or Underwood. He did manage to get McPhee's cell phone number, but at a terrible price (see Lynch's inches).
Stern helped Lynch land a guest starring role on one of his favorite television shows, American Dreams, but Lynch remains ungrateful. Lynch's phone calls to the show are often incoherent because of his small lungs which prevent him from completing a sentence without taking 4 or 5 breaths. Sometimes he can not get through three and four syllable words without taking a breath. Eric also suffers from Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a disease of the connective tissue. He says that he has outlived every doctor's predictions. He is 3' 5" tall and weighs 85 pounds and uses a motorized wheelchair to get around. He's notable for his taste contrasting sharply with those of professional critics. Besides American Idol, his favorite shows include Las Vegas, WWE Wrestling, and Joey yet he had a negative opinion of the critical smash hit Lost. When asked to name a favorite movie he came up with Be Cool.
Lynch is also known, by his own request, as "Eric The Actor", although he is rarely referred to as such. This is because he finds the word "midget" offensive to a "little person": he equates it to referring to an African American as a "nigger". He is also sometimes jokingly referred to as "Eric the Astronaut", because he is as much of an astronaut as he is an actor. Lynch has countered this nickname with "Eric the Idol Expert", which has yet to catch on. (Also see Nicknames.)
[edit] Recent history
[edit] Eric Wants to Sue Stern
On September 20, 2004, during one of Lynch's calls at K-ROCK, Howard mentioned that he intercepted an email that Lynch sent to Star Jones where he wanted her to legally represent him so he can sue Stern. Lynch responded with, "How did you get that?". Eric admitted he did write an email stating he wanted to sue Stern, but he wrote it to Access Hollywood instead. Stern revealed the email in question:
"Dear Miss Jones, you're a lawyer. Howard Stern says I'm an evil midget. I'm not evil, and I'm not a midget."
Stern threatened to never let him on the show again unless he apologizes. Lynch apologized shortly after. It later came out that Zolar showed the email to Stern. [1]
[edit] Howard Stern Bulletin Board
Lynch revealed to Stern that he wrote a thread entitled "I Am The Real Eric the Midget" on the Howard Stern Bulletin Board, and that he was kicked off the bulletin board minutes later. Lynch's username for the bulletin board was "KellysBiggestFan". Howard stated he would give Lynch an orange VIP name under the condition his username be "EricTheMidget". They then brainstormed on possible usernames after he declined. Lynch suggested: Eric "Wheels" Lynch as his username, but Howard declined and suggested EricTheLitigiousDwarf. Lynch then agreed on EricTheMidget as long as the word "evil" was not put into his username.
[edit] Get John's Job
Lynch called into the show during Richard Christy's time during the "Get John's Job" contest. Lynch was "pissed off" because Christy put audio clips of his voice in a parody film called "Night of the Midget". The Stern crew shortly after started to make fun of Eric, and played the parody film in question. The parody used hostile audio clips that Eric the Midget usually make towards the show. When asked if Lynch liked the parody ad, he responded with "No...", and added Richard Christy wouldn't get his vote for the contest.
[edit] His own Sirius show and subsequent feud
Howard Stern offered Eric the chance to host a show on Sirius Satellite Radio to discuss American Idol, however, Eric didn't want to travel to New York. After many back and forth negotiations, it was agreed that Eric could do the show from a Sirius studio in Los Angeles. During the on-air negotiations, Eric complained about being called "Eric the Midget" and Howard offered a new nickname: Eric the Astronaut. When Robin Quivers asked why, Howard answered "Why not?". The show aired on March 8, 2006 and featured Brian Dunkleman, ex co-host of American Idol as a guest. However, Dunkleman quickly usurped control from Lynch and began acting as the show's host. Some highlights of the show were Richard Christy calling in and asking, "How big is your midget cock?", and a phony Leslie Moonves congratulating Lynch on a great show. Afterwards, Lynch expressed that he felt "set up" due to the quantity of negative calls put through to his show and blamed segment producer Will Murray for this and vowed to never call in to the Stern Show again. Stern and his fans were skeptical, however, because his final message was "Bye for n-... I mean GOODBYE".
On April 6, 2006 Howard Stern noted that Lynch had been sending emails to the show discussing American Idol, but Howard wouldn't read them on the air due to Lynch's self-imposed ban. Lynch was interviewed by the Howard 100 News during the Stern Show's April 2006 vacation and stated that he'll only return to the show if Will Murray is fired.
On April 18, 2006, Lynch called in to the show to clear the air about supposedly being in love with the thirteen-year-old country singer who was featured on his show. Lynch denies being in love with the girl, especially as it is "illegal" and blames Will for this allegation.
Lynch called in to the Stern Show on May 10, 2006 to make a plea to be included on the show without being called a "midget", having his voice made fun of, or being associated with the Wack Pack. (See List of demands to appear on the show below.) He is no longer demanding Will be fired, as Will has apologized to him. Lynch asked to be a West Coast correspondent for Howard 100 News. Stern deduced that the real reason for the call was to get tickets to the American Idol finale and teased Lynch by suggesting that Gary the Retard should cover the event instead, as he is a real "Wack Packer".
[edit] After the feud
As of May 2006, Eric The Midget has been calling the show more than ever in spite of none of his demands being met. His new trademark sign off is "Bye for now" which gets chuckles from the Stern staff at the end of each phone call. On May 17, 2006, Lynch called the Stern Show and turned down an offer to have sex with Tabitha Stevens.[2] He called again the next day with a list of "Wack Packers" with asterisks by the names of those he didn't want to be associated with. Eric The Midget was also featured in a retrospective of his recent calls on Howard 100's "The Friday Show" on May 19, 2006 and called the Ferrall Show on the same day, which featured "Derek the Midget", a character who impersonates and insults Lynch, claiming that Lynch stole his act.
[edit] Lynch's inches
On May 22, 2006, Lynch called the Stern Show and measured his penis in exchange for American Idol contestant Katharine McPhee's phone number. Lynch claimed to measure at just over five inches. He was also insulted by "Derek the Midget" and a frequently played Sal and Richard bit featuring a fanciful sexual encounter between Lynch and Tabitha Stevens.
[edit] "Wackipedia" controversy
On June 5, 2006, Lynch called the Stern Show and complained that his parents had read about him measuring his penis on Wikipedia (which he called "Wackipedia"). Stern read the section of the article regarding penis measuring on the air. Also, Gary Dell'Abate commented on the air he and the Stern Show staff enjoy the picture of Lynch in this article.
Flustered, Lynch refused to perform any strange tasks to meet Katharine McPhee, such as urinating or defecating in a diaper, inserting a ruler or a Sirius satellite receiver into his rectum, submitting to a proctological exam, wearing Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf's old bunny outfit, being vomited on by Richard Christy, being flushed down a toilet, being sent in the mail or holding one hundred helium balloons and seeing if he was carried away.
[edit] Balloon Boy?
On June 6, 2006, Lynch agreed to sit in a lawn chair while he was lifted up by balloons. Stern told Lynch that either he attach the balloons to his body (not a chair) or he would not be able to meet Katharine McPhee. Stern then noted that perhaps Lynch would be hit by lightning, which could result in the merging of Lynch and the balloon, creating a new superhero, Balloon Boy!
On the next day, Lynch backed out due to the new insulting bits being played about him, including a song parody, "Fly Me with Balloons" (to the tune of "Fly Me to the Moon", sung by Sal the Stockbroker with a digital "midget" voice effect) and a prank phone call using recordings of Lynch's voice to a balloon shop. When Stern said one of the bits was great, Lynch responded, "That was not great you big-nosed retard!"
It's noteworthy that Eric "the Midget" Lynch has been calling in and being put on the air just about every day since his feud fizzled out in May 2006. On June 7, 2006, Stern commented that Lynch might be the "King of the Wack Pack".
On June 8, 2006, Howard Stern played a voice mail message on the air indicating that Lynch is "at war" (see His own Sirius show and subsequent feud above) with Stern yet again, due to the constant mockery he has been enduring on the air recently. Lynch threatened to call Katharine McPhee to warn her not to do the Stern Show. Stern has expressed the belief that Lynch will be back and will perform the balloon stunt.
[edit] Will the real Derek the Midget please stand up?
On June 9, 2006 Lynch called in to the Ferrall Show and accused Howard 100 News reporter and comedian Shuli of being "Derek the Midget", which Shuli denied. On June 12, 2006, Lynch called the Stern Show to complain about his treatment on-air and demanded to know the identity of "Derek the Midget", which Stern stated was, in fact, Shuli.
[edit] The Balloon Boy controversy continues
After not calling in for perhaps a handful of days during his most recent feud, Lynch has been all over Howard 100 and Howard 101. In the week beginning with June 18, 2006, Lynch called The Intern Show, Superfan Roundtable and The Friday Show in addition to the Stern Show. Lynch expressed concern over whether the LPA (Little People of America) will accept him if he performs the "balloon stunt" or a similar stunt. On The Friday Show, Gary Dell'Abate expressed that he's enjoying the new, angry Eric the Midget. On June 26, 2006, Lynch called the Stern Show and was so angered by Stern's calm assurance that he will perform the balloon stunt that he said he wished Stern would die of a heart attack and go to hell and then hung up without so much as a "Bye for now".
[edit] A change of heart or "Bye forever"?
On June 27, 2006, Lynch called the Stern Show again. Lynch belittled Stern and his crew until Stern offered him a new tantalizing offer in exchange for Lynch performing the balloon stunt. Stern received a letter from a woman named Valerie who works part time as a nurse while attending law school. Valerie wrote that she would like to take Lynch out on a date and if the two hit it off anything could happen. Stern e-mailed Lynch the pictures of Valerie that she had sent to the show. Valerie then called in and confirmed what she had said previously in her letter and that she would even stand by Lynch as he performed the balloon stunt and catch him in her arms. Following the call Lynch seemed to be reconsidering his stance on the balloon stunt although yet again he refused to say his catchphrase "Bye for now".
Unfortunately, on June 28, 2006, Lynch called in with a new and outrageous list of demands, including large cash prizes for himself and the LPA and a new car. (See List of demands to perform the "Balloon Stunt".) Stern didn't consider meeting any of the demands and "played hardball" by telling Lynch he didn't want to hear from him until he agrees to the balloon stunt. Stern and Lynch seem to have arrived at a stalemate.
Lynch has recently lifted his self-imposed moratorium on calling into the Stern Show, but only to leave messages on the voice mail of associate show producer Will Murray. A message from Lynch was played on the July 31, 2006 show and in it, Lynch taunted Stern by discussing his [Lynch's] recent meeting with Hulk Hogan and Hogan's daughter Brooke. A message played on the August 1, 2006 contained several "hopeful" predictions by Lynch that meetings with, among others, Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood would happen. Lynch continued to bait Stern, bragging that he no longer needed the show to meet celebrities. Stern characterized Lynch as an "ingrate" while reaffirming his belief that Lynch would again be on the show. Lynch has also changed the settings on his "Myspace" account so that only people he has accepted as "friends" can access his page.
[edit] The Sal and Richard agreement
On August 14, 2006, Eric the Midget left a message to the show agreeing to fly with balloons. He had since been very reluctant. But only under the agreement that Sal and Richard Christy would strap on dildos and pleasure each other orally. This didn't seem like a big problem for the show due to the fact that Sal and Richard have done worse in the past.
Then, on August 15, 2006, Eric called into the show along with Johnny Fratto, who befriended him and claimed that he was indeed the one who "negotiated" the terms with Eric to fly with balloons, pending Sal and Richard perform the dildo display noted above. Sal and Richard did not want to perform the stunt; however, Howard reluctantly said that if they do not do it, they will be fired. The end of the conversation seemed rough as Eric was upset with Howard playing parody songs and calling him "midget". The most recent update to the "Flying With Balloons" saga occurred on August 23, 2006 when Stern read a note on air sent by Lynch claiming that due to concerns raised by his doctor, Lynch would not in fact, fly with balloons. Lynch offered to participate in karaoke instead, however, Stern seemed non-plussed by the offer.
On September 5, 2006 Eric continued to make up excuses about why he won't fly with balloons, and created more demands such as Howard Stern hiring a "team of doctors" so he can get the use of his legs back. Only then would he be grateful for all the things the show has done for him in the past. Dr. Von Fredrickson (Fred) claimed he could attach Schnauzer legs to Eric in an experimental procedure. Typically, Eric refused.
On September 7, 2006 Eric called in yet again to complain about his lot in life and how the show owes him no matter how ungrateful he is. Stern and the gang joked around with him and his "relationship" with Blue Iris, an 80+ porn star, but ended with Eric complaining about everything. Artie offered tickets to the premiere of Beer League which - after an initial refusal - Eric said he would consider.
On September 11, 2006 Eric called in to ask if he could participate in the $25,000 football pool with other Wack Packers "Elegant" Elliot Offen and Crazy Alice. He was denied, and the crew proceeded to make fun of him. Eric then told Howard that he was not able to make it to the premiere of Artie's movie Beer League. He then proceeded to tell Howard that he would, once again, agree to fly with balloons if Howard was able to get him into the premiere of an upcoming WWE movie. The provision being that Howard would sign a release that would hold Sirius responsible for any injuries that he received from performing the balloon stunt. Howard told him no, hung up on him, and proceeded to laugh and make fun of him with the rest of the crew for the next several minutes.
On September 13, 2006 Eric called in to speak with Howard about flying. He had finally came to an agreement and called in to let Howard know that he had spoken with Johnny Fratto to relay the message, but Howard hadn't heard from Johnny yet. At any rate, Howard noted that the whole point of having Eric flying was that he could appear to be like Superman, and that flying in the Wheel Chair would be next to impossible. Sarah Silverman said that if he did this task, she'd let him suckle her breast for milk, but also referred to him as a "fickle pickle", suggesting her skepticism that Eric would fly in the near term. Jimmy Kimmel, who Sara sleeps with, said that seeing a man fly with balloons was also a personal dream of his.
On the September 26, 2006 edition of the Howard Stern Show, Lynch, now being "represented" by Johnny Fratto negotiated a trade-off whereby Lynch would agree to the airing of a cartoon parody of an encounter with adult film actress Tabitha Stevens in exchange for tickets to the premiere of The Marine starring WWE star John Cena. The "balloon stunt" is "off the table" for now.
[edit] Participation In The Football Pool
On the October 19, 2006 edition of the Howard Stern Show, Lynch was offered the opportunity to take the place of fellow Wack Pack member Elliot Offen in the $25,000 Football Pool. Lynch, a well-known fan of Bay Area sports teams, including the Oakland A's and Oakland Raiders appeared eager to replace Offen and chose the Indianapolis Colts as a home favorite over the Washington Redskins.
[edit] Eric the Midget's lists of demands
Lynch has a habit of creating ridiculous lists of demands that he wants the staff of the Howard Stern Show to comply with. The list will usually involve Lynch to threaten to never call or write into the show again. However, the past indicates that after refusal from the staff he will eventually give up.
[edit] List of demands to appear on the show
Lynch vowed to never call in to the Stern Show again unless these demands were met. He later gave up on the list of demands after none were met. A fifth demand, to fire producer Will Murray, was retracted after Murray apologized to Lynch.
- Do not call him a "midget".
- Do not make fun of his voice.
- Do not associate him with the "Wack Pack".
- Do not laugh.
[edit] Nicknames
Eric has a variety of other nicknames.
[edit] Show Nicknames
Show nicknames, other than “Eric the Midget,” are jokingly made up during a conversation and are usually never used again. Howard Stern, Robin Quivers, Artie Lange, and Fred Norris are the prime creators of the show nicknames.
- Balloon Boy
- Eric the Astronaut
- Eric the Bodybuilder
- Eric the Bore
- Eric the Ewok
- Eric the Freakishly Small Adult (proposed by Artie Lange)
- Eric the Liar
- Eric the Legal Expert
- Eric the Midget Actor
- Eric the Person
- Eric the Pygmy
- Eric the Grouch (proposed by Stern, Sept. 27, 2006)
- Eric the Human Dildo (proposed by Robin Quivers)
- Eric the Midget Who Doesn't Know Himself
- Eric the Movie Star (Crazy Alice during Artie fight)
- Eric the Quitter
- Eric the Sex Toy (proposed by Robin Quivers)
- EriKnievel (in Sept. of 2006 Howard said he would use this name if he would fly on balloons.)
- Grumpy Munchkin
- Shit Eating Fidget
- Speed Racer (a nickname from high school, from Lynch's speeding through the hallways in his electric wheelchair. Not used by anyone on the staff.)
- Super Eric
[edit] Eric's Picks
Eric’s Picks are nicknames that Eric would rather be used. However neither Stern nor staff honors the request. Sometimes, a show such as the Howard 100 News or the Ferrall Show will use "Eric the Actor", which is second to "Eric the Midget" as the most common nickname.
- Eric the Actor
- Eric the Idol Expert
- Hollywood Eric
[edit] Memorable quotes
- "Good morning."
- "Hello, Gary."
- "Hello, Will."
- "Eric the ACTOR" (correcting anyone calling him Eric the Midget)
- "There's nothing wacky about me."
- "Bye for now."
- "Shut your fat mouth!"
- "This is getting fucking ridiculous as hell."
- "Your boss is a piece of shit." (referring to Howard Stern)
- "Doesn't that make sense to you, or is your brain that dumb that you can't even get that?"
- "Know what? I am getting SO DAMN SICK of being LEFT ON HOLD!"
- "That was not great you big-nosed retard!" (referring to a comedy bit)
- "You cannot make somebody do something they do not want to do. IT'S INHUMAN."
- "Listen to me, you big-nosed jackass!"
- "I'm really absolutely sick of this balloon shit."
- "HEY! I'm going to prove you fucking wrong you big-nosed sack of shit."
- "750 what?"
- "No!"
- "...you arrogant idiot!" (referring to Howard insisting he will do the Balloon stunt)
- "I'm not considering shit."
| align=center bgcolor=#000033|The Howard Stern Show | |
|---|---|
| Cast | Howard Stern • Robin Quivers • Artie Lange • Fred Norris • Gary Dell'Abate • Benjy Bronk • Richard Christy • Sal the Stockbroker • J. D. Harmeyer • Scott Salem • Will Murray • George Takei |
| Former Cast | Billy West • Jackie Martling • Stuttering John • K. C. Armstrong • Tom Chiusano • A. J. Benza |
| The Wack Pack | Beetlejuice • Eric the Midget • Miss Howard Stern • High Pitch Eric • Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf • Riley Martin • Siobhan Meow • Jeff the Drunk • More... |
| Howard Channels | Bubba the Love Sponge Show • Scott Ferrall • The Wrap-Up Show • Howard 100 News • Superfan Roundtable • More... |
| See Also | Show Celebrity Guests • Show Games and Bits • Sirius Satellite Radio • Sirius Canada • Ronnie Mund |
[edit] External links
Categories: Cleanup from September 2006 | Wikipedia articles needing factual verification | 1975 births | Living people | Actors with dwarfism | American radio personalities | Howard Stern Show | People from Sacramento, California | People with dwarfism | Sirius Satellite Radio | Sirius Satellite Radio personalities | The Wack Pack
