The Pizza War
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The Pizza War is a rock opera released in August 2005 by The What Ifs, a duo consisting of Keith Petrower and Mike Meno. The band's debut album, The Pizza War is 27 minutes long and consists of seven songs.
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[edit] Animated movie
The Pizza War is currently being made into a short animated film by animator Clarissa Filice. The animation will be available on the Internet in Fall 2006 at http://www.thepizzawar.com.
[edit] Track listing
[edit] Story
"Sometime in the early twenty-first century, a band of aliens came to Earth with orders to destroy a house..."
So begins The Pizza War, the story of a pizza delivery boy and vice principal who get caught up in an intergalactic fast food conflict. The protagonists are introduced in Pizza Dude as the pizza boy commits a minor traffic violation while on delivery. The do-right vice principal witnesses the infraction and recognizes the pizza boy as his former student. He suspects the pizza boy is "up to no damn good" and begins to follow him.
Both the pizza boy and vice principal are surprised, however, when they arrive at a house that has just been destroyed by aliens. After calling his boss for advice, the pizza boy cautiously enters the house and finds a badly-injured alien named Brinkley. Brinkley enthusiastically tells the pizza boy about an intergalactic war between two fast food chains: Gallahad's, a "clean, affordable and healthy" restaurant that Brinkley founded, and Galaxio's, a greedy corporation run by the evil Voltran. The success of both restaurants and the outcome of their bitter conflict is hinged on which company can retrieve Earth's prized delicasy: pizza.
With his last dying words, Brinkley instructs the pizza boy to deliver the pizza to the Gallahad's cavalry at Clam's Casino. This particular pizza will be the restaurant's model for universal production. The vice principal, who has been spying from a distance, follows as the pizza boy embarks on his mission. While on his way, the pizza boy is attacked and cornered by a monstrous alien sent by Voltran. Just in the nick of time, the vice principal steps in and defends the pizza boy. They defeat the alien and continue on the journey together.
The pizza boy and vice principal arrive safely at Clam's Casino. They are greeted by the Gallahad's aliens and it appears their mission is complete—until Voltran unexpectedly bursts in with his evil Galaxio's troops and a vicious secret weapon called The Big Thing. An epic battle ensues between the good and evil restaurants. At its climax, the pizza boy and vice principal throw anchovies into The Big Thing's gigantic jaws. The monster is disgusted and defeated, and the unlikely heroes are praised for their help in Gallahad's improbable victory.
The heroes celebrate briefly, and then the Gallahad's commander asks the pizza boy and vice principal to join them as they depart from Earth. There are still numerous other battles against evil elsewhere in the galaxy, and the Gallahad's army "could use a few good men like you." Both the pizza boy and vice principal consider the proposal, then excitedly accept what they now believe they were "meant to do."
The final track of the rock opera is sung by a chorus of talking pizzas from the distant future. In their time, pizzas have evolved into a super-intelligent life form, and their most treasured story is the tale of the pizza boy and the vice principal. Across the universe, the epic is now known as The Pizza War.
[edit] Personnel
- The What Ifs - Producer, engineer
- Keith Petrower - Guitar, bass, keyboard, voice of pizza boy, The Big Thing, aliens
- Mike Meno - Drums, voice of vice principal, Brinkley, Voltran, narrator, boss, customers, aliens
- Dan Wiznitzer - Voice of alien
- Clarissa Filice - Director of animation
[edit] Notes
- The story and music were all written by Keith Petrower and Mike Meno and recorded over a three-week period in August 2005.
- The rock opera was debuted in Stamford, CT at the residence of J.J. Vagnone, who has performed with Keith Petrower in the rock band Veracity and with Mike Meno in Funkhouser.
- Conscription is an adaption of Astronaut 054, a song composed earlier by Keith Petrower.
