Johann van der Smut

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Johann van der Smut (a.k.a. "Goldmember") is a fictional villain in the third film of the Austin Powers trilogy, Austin Powers in Goldmember. He is played by Mike Myers.

Dutch-born van der Smut lost his genitals in an unfortunate smelting (or "schmelting", as he pronounces it) accident in the 1970s and has since been known as "Goldmember". He replaced his lost equipment with a gold key that activates the Preparation H tractor beam. He teamed up with Dr. Evil in 2002 to kill Austin Powers and conquer the Earth.

Goldmember has a nasty habit of peeling pieces of his own skin off and eating them. He can also dislocate his legs with relative ease. He runs his own nightclub in the 70's and is the driving force behind Preparation H, the tractor beam that sucks things to Earth. Often, he talks to his armpits in a ritual-like fashion, usually whispering proper sources of certain phrases for copyright purposes. For example, after saying "And that's the way, uh-huh uh-huh, I like it," quietly comments to the side "KC and the Sunshine Band." His perculiar habits even succeed in creeping out Dr Evil.

Myers' imitation of the Dutch accent was not entirely accurate, though it did attempt to invoke many of the stereotypical mannerisms and intonations of Dutch people speaking English. To some people (definitely Dutch people) Goldmember sounded more like a German. His most notable mispronunciation comes when he tries to say "father", but pronounces it as "fahza", which leads Dr. Evil to believe he is saying "farger" (which is strange given that Dr. Evil claims he was born in Brugge, where Dutch is spoken.) In the real world the Dutch word for father (vader) is pronounced as "/vɑdɛɾ/". Most Dutch-speaking people tend to pronounce it the same way in English. People speaking with a Dutch accent usually turn the th-into either a d or t, rather than into a z-sound. Goldmember also says "shiza" (shy-za) to express displeasure. No such word exists in Dutch, in German however, the word scheisse is used and sounds similarly.

The spelling of his first name Johann with two N's is actually German, Johan (with one N) is a common Dutch name.

In the beginning of the movie, Dr. Evil describes him as a "Dutch metallurgical hedonist."

In the film within the film, he is played by actor John Travolta.

[edit] Quotes

• Sure you can kill me, but then what happends to Austin Powers faszha?
  • And now he is going to have an unfortunate schmelting accident.
• Dr. Evil, we still have the ultimate inschurance policy. May I present to you, the very sexual, the very toight, Austin Powersh faszha.
• Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo gold? It's kind of my thing... you know...
• Nobody do anything shtoopid or the shoosting begins!
• Dr. Evil, you look very toight, yesh, toight like a toiger, yesh yesh yesh!
• Would you like a schmoke and a pancake? Cigarette and a flapjack? Cigar and a waffle? Pipe and a crepe? Bong and a blintz? No? Then there ish no pleeshing you.
• Thats the way uh uh uh I like it.. KC & The Sunshine Band.