Collar (BDSM)

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A BDSM-style collar that buckles in the back.

Detail of collar showing D-rings.

In a BDSM context, a collar is a device of any material placed around the neck of the submissive partner. It is also a term used to show ownership of a submissive by a dominant.

The most common material is leather, and many people use actual dog collars with a buckle. Other materials include rubber, PVC, and metal, typically stainless steel. Collars may be decorated in various ways, and often feature buckles, straps and hooks, padlocks and other attachments. The standard form is a black leather band around the neck, though there are many variations including elegant jewelry necklaces. D-rings are often added to allow the attachment of a leash.

Collars may be used in role-playing games involving humiliation because they have connotations of control and pet-like status, especially when worn with a leash.

Collars have varying degrees of significance for people in the BDSM community. A person wearing a collar may wish by doing so to make it known that she or he is submissive. Wearing a collar may similarly be a signal to others that the submissive is "owned" by or is in a relationship with a dominant. It may also be a potently tangible symbol of the relationship itself or of the ownership the submissive is held in. A lockable collar may further symbolize a transfer of power from the submissive to the dominant holding the key.

A person wearing a collar to symbolise their relationship with another is said to be collared. Some people conduct formal "collaring ceremonies" which are regarded as effectively solemnising their relationship in the same way as a marriage ceremony.

Few submissives wear their collars all the time; as a fashion accessory they are becoming more common, but not sufficiently so that they would go unnoticed, particularly if worn by men. Many choose to wear their collars only when in private with their partners, or with other members of the BDSM community.

As BDSM practices are moving from the old guard leather community into middle class society the role of the collar has changed also. Increasingly couples who also practice 24/7 Domination and submission relationships adopt collars that can be mistaken as ordinary chokers or jewelery necklaces and can be worn discreetly in public. Further evolution of this migration has had groups which actively practice BDSM in a relationship but where roles are switched or not as clear as in a traditional D/s relationship. The practice of joint collaring has emerged, where both wear a collar to show their devotion to the other one and to their lifestyle. Generally the collars look alike and/or are enscribed with vows to each other.

In the old guard leather community there were three stages of collaring. These are still informally followed by some in the BDSM community. The "collar of consideration" was the first and roughly analogous to a pre-engagement ring. This collar could be removed at any time by the submissive with no ill will and the relationship would be ended. The "training collar" is roughly analogous to an engagement ring and indicates a deepening relationship in which the submissive is being prepared by the dominant to serve to the standards the dominant wishes. Again, the submissive may ask to be released but the break is considered more serious and painful for both parties. Finally, the "slave collar" is analogous to a wedding band and at this point the submissive is considered a formal slave and owned by the dominant. In the old guard leather community this was considered permanent with no chance to end unless the submissive was released by the dominant for some exceptional reason. Simple failure of service was not adequate since that showed a failure on the part of the dominant as well as the slave. As with engagement and wedding rings there are traditions with collars in regard to type of materials and colors that are appropriate to each type, usually becoming more elaborate.

House collars are also used in clubs, homes and in organizations that provide social spaces to protect submissives. House collars show that the submissive is under the guidance of the house and is not to be approached. This is often used with inexperienced submissives who are not ready to make their own choices yet and need time to learn.

"Velcro collar" is an increasingly common term, used derisively. The old guard leather community was very protocol oriented and stressed serious lifestyle involvement because of safety issues. More recently, however, email, Internet chat rooms and instant messaging services allowed the curious to participate in casual (and often anonymous) D/s relationships online. The velcro reference indicates the tendency for online dominants and submissives to have new online collaring ceremonies frequently and without regard for existing relationships which end as easily as not logging in.